Are You an Emotional Vampire? Here's How to Find Out...

But wait, before you start pointing fingers or nervously clutching your pumpkin spice latte, let’s take a fun little quiz to see where we’re at. Grab your favourite pen (you know, the cute one with the sparkly topper- check out our Shop if you need to get yourself one!) and answer honestly:

1. Do you feel like people just don’t get you or your problems? Like, ever?

2. Are there constant barriers in your life that you swear you have no control over?

3. Do you often feel like nobody’s willing to help you, even though you ask?

4. Is there a lack of appreciation in your life for the amazing person you are?

5. Do people complain that you’re not listening… when clearly they’re the ones tuning out?

6. Does it seem like most people have an easier life than you? (Rude.)

7. Do you argue with friends or loved ones often? And be honest, is it always their fault?

8. Have people ghosted you out of nowhere? No explanation, just poof?

9. Do you feel helpless to change things in your life?

If you answered “yes” to more than half of these, then buckle up, buttercup. It’s possible you’re an emotional vampire. BUT don’t freak out! This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you might be stuck in a cycle of habits and thoughts that – newsflash – aren’t serving you or your relationships. 

Let’s dive into what it means to be an emotional vampire and, more importantly, how to swap those metaphorical fangs for some sparkling emotional wellness.

So, What Is an Emotional Vampire Anyway?

Imagine a vampire who doesn’t drink blood but instead drains people’s emotional energy. These are the friends, coworkers, or family members who are constantly in crisis, need heaps of attention, or always seem to be the victim in every story. As the eldest daughter, the ever dependable one, you are the one they turn to when they need to unload. Interacting with them can feel like running a marathon – except instead of crossing a finish line, you just collapse.

Here’s the thing: emotional vampires aren’t doing this to be mean. Most of the time, they don’t even realize they’re doing it. They’re stuck in patterns of low self-esteem and external validation. And the reality? Emotional vampires come in all shapes and sizes – your sweet coworker, your successful friend, even that gorgeous influencer you follow on Instagram. It’s not about looks or status; it’s about behaviour.

If you’re thinking, “Oh no, this might be me,” don’t panic. We’re about to unpack the traits of emotional vampirism and how to turn things around. Let’s get to it.

The Three Traits of Emotional Vampires (and How to Spot Them in Yourself or Others)

1. The Endless Need for Attention and Validation

Picture this: you’re at brunch, excited to tell your girls about your new promotion. But before you can say “bottomless mimosas,” your friend hijacks the conversation to vent about her terrible week. And her boyfriend. And her boss. And her neighbour’s barking dog. By the time the check arrives, you’ve barely said a word. Sound familiar?

Emotional vampires are masters of making everything about them. They’ll swing between self-praise (“Everyone’s jealous of me”) and self-pity (“Nobody likes me”) faster than you can say “pass the avocado toast.” This constant need for validation exhausts the people around them.

The Fix: If you find yourself doing this, start small. Instead of dominating the conversation, take a pause to ask, “What’s new with you?” and really listen to the answer. Practice shifting the spotlight to others. It’ll feel weird at first, but trust me – people will notice and appreciate it.

2. It’s Never Their Fault

If emotional vampires had a motto, it would be: “It’s not me, it’s you.” Got fired? The boss was a jerk. Lost a friend? They were too stuck up. Bad date? The guy was obviously a loser. Emotional vampires excel at deflecting blame. Instead of reflecting on their own behaviour, they create narratives where everyone else is the problem.

The Fix: This one’s tough but necessary – own your stuff. The next time something goes wrong, pause and ask yourself, “What role did I play in this?” Even if it’s small, acknowledging your part is a powerful step toward breaking the cycle.

3. Lack of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is like a muscle. If you don’t use it, it gets weak. Emotional vampires often struggle to see how their actions impact others. They’re so focused on external drama that they rarely stop to think, “Am I contributing to this chaos?”

The Fix: Start journaling. Write about your interactions each day and reflect on how you showed up. Did you listen? Did you overreact? Be honest with yourself. Over time, this practice builds self-awareness and helps you identify patterns.