How to Overcome the Fear of Failing Without Losing your Sanity

Why Do We Let Fear Run the Show?

Fear of failing is sneaky. It wears disguises like “perfectionism,” “procrastination,” or my personal favorite, “strategic planning” (aka Googling how to start a business for the 12th time without actually starting one). Fear whispers things like:

• “What if you try and it’s awful?”
• “People will definitely judge you.”
• “You’ll probably have to move to a remote village and raise goats to escape the shame.” (frankly this sounds lovely, but I already wrote it so just assume it’s the third in an undesirable list).

But fear isn’t psychic. It’s just loud. And because our brains are wired to keep us safe, we believe the noise. It convinces us to stay in our comfort zones, which is a shame because nothing groundbreaking happens there (except, maybe, accidentally discovering a great new Netflix show).

Let me tell you about my first baking competition. I thought I’d enter with my “signature” cake—never mind that it was a recipe I found online that I made exactly twice. And since I had the audacity to make such a reckless move, clearly fear kept popping up like an uninvited party guest: “What if they spit it out?” “What if they point and laugh?” So I make the extra effort to dress up that day because I figured I could try and distract them from my terrible cooking with my cuteness. (Use what the Lord gave you. Am I right?) Spoiler #1: I didn’t win. Spoiler #2: They didn’t spit it out (that I know of), and no one laughed. I also got no compliments on my dress which clearly means none of the judges had ANY kind of taste whatsoever. More importantly, I got through it, ego still intact, learned a ton, and realized that failure wasn’t half as bad as my imagination made it out to be.

The (Sometimes Irrational) Ways Fear Holds Us Back

Fear doesn’t always make sense, but it always feels real. Like these things that we ALL do:

1. Overthinking Every Little Detail
   Ever spend three hours designing a PowerPoint slide because the font choice might ruin your career? Same.

2. Procrastinating Until the End of Time
   You’re totally going to start that podcast… right after you buy the perfect microphone, learn audio editing, and “research” by listening to 400 episodes of other podcasts. (I’m feeling very called out by my own writing…)

3. Quitting Before You Even Begin
   Why try out for the dance class if Beyoncé-level talent isn’t guaranteed? Better to avoid it altogether, right? (Wrong. Although this is coming from someone with two certified left feet already moonwalking towards the exit.)

4. Playing It Safe
   Maybe you stick with the job you hate or the hobby you tolerate because it’s predictable….And predictably boring.

How to Work Through Your Most Unreasonable Fears

Let’s break this down, step by step. Because nothing kills fear faster than a solid action plan…right? (and maybe a playlist of empowering Taylor Swift anthems).

1. Acknowledge the Fear (Heeeyyyy, Fear!)

The first step to overcoming fear is calling it out. Name it. Write it down. Say it out loud:

• “I’m scared of failing this project.”
• “I’m terrified I’ll look stupid in that meeting.”
• “I’m worried my yoga instructor will judge my downward dog.”

Sometimes, just stating the fear for what it is—a thought, not a fact—takes away its power.

2. Ask, “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”

Let’s play the worst-case scenario game. And um full disclosure, some of ya’ll have really active imaginations…just tone those down for this exercise mmmkay?

• If you flunk your presentation, will your boss banish you to the supply closet forever? Probably not.
• If you burn your dinner, will Gordon Ramsay appear in your kitchen to yell at you? Highly unlikely. Although if he did, I mean total flex forever.

Chances are, even the “worst” outcome isn’t as catastrophic as it feels in your head. 

3. Flip the Script

Now that you’ve faced the worst, what’s the best that could happen? What if your idea is brilliant? What if they love your work? What if you rock that meeting and your coworkers cheer like it’s the Super Bowl? 

You’ve spent enough time imagining disaster. Try imagining success for a change. 

4. Start Small

Don’t try to conquer Everest on your first hike. Take small, manageable steps toward your goal:

• Want to start a business? Draft a rough plan this week. (FYI, our Dream Life Journal takes you through formulating an idea to execution in a way that brings clarity and focus).
• Nervous about networking? Schedule a casual coffee chat with one person.
• Scared to cook for friends? Try out that new recipe for yourself first. (Better yet, take notes from the expert and wear a cute dress to distract them).

Small wins build momentum, and before you know it, you’re halfway there.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

Guess what? You’re human. That means you’ll make mistakes, and that’s supposed to happen. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim to learn something new.