Stuck in a Rut? A Hilariously Honest Guide

Introduction: “Is This My Life Now?”

Hi, I’m Rae. And a few years ago, I had my very own “stuck in a rut” era. I had outgrown the city I grew up in (which was not-so-affectionately referred to as “The Black Hole”…by literally only me), but I didn’t know how to leave. It wasn’t the city’s fault, per se – it was beautiful if you looked at it through anyone else’s eyes except my own. My family was there, and they were your typical brown immigrant family (ya, say less right?). My friends were there, and the barista at my favourite coffee shop knew my order by heart, which basically meant I couldn’t ever leave because that kind of customer service is irreplaceable.

But even with all that, something felt off. Some part of me realized that I was playing small in life, settling for comfortable sameness because it felt safer than the great unknown. I was unhappily playing the eldest daughter role to the hilt, making life plans based on how it would impact my parents, prioritizing everyone else’s needs above my own… I was stuck in the proverbial rut – a cozy, familiar, slightly soul-crushing rut – and I felt like if I didn’t do something about it, I was going to lose my bleepin’ mind.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve felt this too. Maybe you’re staring down your predictable week like, “Here we go again….yay.” Or maybe you’ve Googled phrases like “how to shake up my life” or “help, I think I’m boring”  or “how to move to Spain and start your life over”. Either way, congrats! You’re officially self-aware enough to recognize you might be in a rut. Now let’s figure out if that’s true, what to do about it, and how to kick your way back into feeling alive again.

Step 1: How to Know if You’re Stuck in a Rut

You might not be carrying a neon sign that says “I’m Stuck,” but there are plenty of telltale clues. Here’s how to spot them:

1. Everything Feels…Fine (But Also Terrible?)

You’re not sad, exactly. But you’re also not excited about anything. Your life feels like a bland beige colour that landlords paint every apartment. Functional, neutral, and completely uninspiring.

Example: My personal “aha, I’m in a rut” moment hit me when I was staring back at my plate of lasagna at dinner and I realized I’d had it every Thursday like clockwork for the past 4 months…I get there are certain systems and frameworks we put into place to make our busy lives more manageable: the same weekly grocery basket delivery so you don’t have to think about what to eat, the same 10 outfits on rotation so you don’t have to think about what to wear, the same bedtime / bath time routine that feels like you could do it blindfolded….you get my drift. But at some point, all that not thinking makes us not present in our own lives…like we’re walking around on autopilot…and that is where the “stuck” begins.

2. You’re on Autopilot, and Not in the Cool Tesla Way

You do the same thing every day. Wake up, scroll your phone, eat the same three meals, binge-watch shows, sleep, repeat. Your routines have routines.

Example: At one point, I realized I had been going to the same book club every week for six months. While that’s a win, I wasn’t even enjoying myself anymore – but I just kept doing it because deciding on another activity and finding one that would fit neatly into my well-packed life sounded exhausting.

3. Everyone Else Seems to Be Thriving

You know that feeling when you scroll Instagram and suddenly, everyone is buying houses, starting businesses, or vacationing in Bali? The focus on them DOING big exciting stuff while, you’ve got nothing new to share because you’ve been doing the same ish for as long as you can remember.

Example: During my rut, my friends would share exciting news – like getting promotions or picking up hobbies – and my go-to response was: “That’s amazing! I should really try something new, too.” And then…I’d do nothing.

4. Your Motivation Has Vanished

Dreams? Goals? Ambition? Sounds exhausting, honestly. You feel like a tired sea creature, washed up on shore, staring at the ocean like, “Do I even want to go back in there?”

Example: I remember telling myself, “I’ll start exercising tomorrow.” I said that every day for a year. (I am, if nothing, very consistent). Tomorrow never came, and my yoga mat took early retirement and is now serving as insulation under my hallway carpet.

Step 2: Why Do We Get Stuck in Ruts?

The thing about ruts is that they’re sneaky. They start small, like little cracks in a sidewalk, and then one day you realize you’re standing in a crater wondering how you got there and not knowing how to climb out.

Here’s why it happens:

• Comfort Is Addicting. Routines feel safe, and change feels risky. In fact, comfort is the most sneakiest of all pre-rut indicators. Think of it like this. When we’re young at some point we all made the promise that when we grew older and started making adult money, we’d buy ourselves allll the things and have a comfortable life. There would be no one to say no you can’t buy that dress it’s too expensive, or you can’t have another ice cream, or we’re going to have to make do with “______” (fill in the blank). Now as adults, we’ve given ourselves that comfortable life and it somehow has a chokehold on us and we can’t seem to figure out why we no longer what the things that we once craved.
• Fear of Failure. If you try something new and fail, then what? (Spoiler: nothing bad happens, but in case you’re worried, read this post for some inspo.)
• Exhaustion. Sometimes life takes so much out of you that “just surviving” feels like all you can handle.
• Attachment to Familiarity. Staying in your hometown, your job, or your toxic situationship can feel like the “default setting” of life. Breaking out? Terrifying.

For me, my rut stemmed from a mix of fear, attachment, and a fear of dissappointment. I didn’t want to stay in my city, but I didn’t know what would happen if I left. What if I moved somewhere new and hated it? What if I left my friends behind and never found another person I would ever want to be friends with? What if I ran out of money and had to crawl back home, tail between my legs?

These fears kept me stuck – until one day, they didn’t. Read about that story here.